Tuesday, May 29, 2012
THE CASE OF THE CONTRARY CAT
Wednesday is the day we usually post an author interview. However, because Carolyn Brown has already been interviewed several times, we asked her to just write something for us. Besides, let's be honest, none of us can come up with questions that are as much fun as Carolyn unfettered. So ... here's Carolyn:
by Carolyn Brown
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of refrigerator. Call Husband from his work shop.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees while holding its front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Remember this is a common house pet not a hungry lion. Get Husband to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get Husband to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans.
Drink two glasses of milk for an antidote and a liter of Dr. Pepper to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another Dr. Pepper ... just in case.
Get Husband to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
The next day Chester was chasing butterflies and stalking birds. I think I made a believer out of him!